it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
