Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Randomize
