Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize