I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
