i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
