he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
