i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
