you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dignity is for republicans.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize