Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Randomize
