I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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