You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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