theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize
