pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
