i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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