they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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