I'm going to jail i love you
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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