Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
