weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
