You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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