Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
