i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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