My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize