i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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