dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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