he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize