yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
