Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
