drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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