I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
zippers are such a cool invention
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
