Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize