yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
