did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
