worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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