somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize