New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
