I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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