he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I understand Curling. That high.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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