Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
