Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
