I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
