Having a random hookup so left but love u
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
