yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize