I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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