so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
