At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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