You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
