Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize