Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
