keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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