Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
