I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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