What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
