well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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