meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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