On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
