He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
