i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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