the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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