I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
