she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
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