Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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