after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
