i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
