Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
