I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
