I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
