I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
