I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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