ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
