it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
