gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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